We write to patch things up, maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.

Time, love, sacrifice.

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7/24/08 01:36 am - bye bye lj

By the way. I've moved HERE! click HERE for my 2nd-hand sales journal.

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7/23/08 12:57 pm - fear of the Lord

“Let those who fear You turn to me,
those who know Your testimonies.

Let my heart be blameless regarding Your statutes
That I may not be ashamed”

Psalm 119:79-80

Thought today's icare meditation passage was quite apt in many ways.

7/23/08 01:22 am - Wise.

"When wisdom enters your heart,
And knowledge is pleasant to your soul,
Discretion will preserve you;
Understanding will keep you,
To deliver you from the way of evil,
From the man who speaks perverse things."

Proverbs 2:10-12

Something I've been searching and praying for- wisdom.

I'm going for a short trip to Bintan with some good friends next week.

I've really enjoyed Sam's company this holidays :) absolutely do not want you to go back BUT you'll be back in dec so that's just a stone's throw away. miss you till then :(

My sister is back from Italy. With a lost camera. Sigh. I still haven't really gotten over my attachment to the camera.

I'm learning how to do without spending so much everyday. i.e. no cabbing, no impulse shopping (I haven't cabbed in... ages! many many many weeks)

I'm giving English tuition to this P3 boy who is a rascal. He claims I will not last and I will give up on him soon. Well, we'll see.

Prayer life and sin- those two things I'm working on to cultivate a fear of the Lord. (wonder how long that will take)

Prayer- learning how to speak less, listen more to the Lord
learning how not to expect answers, but just to grow closer to Him each day and learning that He is faithful in every way

Sin- learning how to deal with my ill-discipline (in praying especially). instilling in myself a sense of punctuality and accountability as a person and a servant of God. learning how to listen to my parents, spend time meaningfully with them, enjoy their company and love them even when I find it difficult to.

Random updates on life, my life if you're interested :)
no pictures because MY CAMERA IS GONE LOST STOLEN LEFT ON A SIA AEROPLANE.
( I can seriously cry)

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7/9/08 11:15 pm - new semester new thing

DO I REALLY PRAY?

I often say my prayers,
But do I really pray?
And do the wishes of my heart
Go with the words I say?

I may as well kneel down
And worship gods of stone,
As offer to the living God
A prayer of words alone.

For words without the heart
The Lord will never hear;
Nor will He to those attend
Whose prayer is not sincere!

Lord, show me what I need
And teach me how to pray,
And help me when I seek Thy grace
To mean the words I say.

John Burton

Haven't been here in such a long time. I even forgot that this existed for a while.

Anyway this new semester is going to be one new and interesting experience. I'm embarking on a technical journey of examining the English language. Haha. I've decided to major in English Language. Yes, it's language, and it's not English Literature. It's a little daunting, to say the least. I don't know anyone majoring in English personally, and I've heard really bad reviews from friends and friends' friends and so on. I was deciding between English and Sociology, and I know I can do better if I choose the latter, but... I just don't feel satisfied with Soci because it's a little too general for my liking. So I'm going to be brave and do English, and I'm going to pray a lot. I know this is probably going to be pretty difficult, but I have been thinking about it and I really want to see how the Lord can feature so much more in my life and I want to see how my faith and prayer life can be further strengthened in the next few years in school. And with that, I'm going to commit everything to Him in prayer.

Pastor asked us during 9am class (sorry I don't know what else to call the class) what we each aspire to become. I said I wanted to be a person of prayer and strength. As if that's not enough, I want to add on to those two characteristics. At the most recent 9am class Pastor spoke about the importance of having wisdom and spirit in us, especially in this scary world. I know it's gonna be a long long time (I speak in terms of decades) before I ever achieve the status of having a wonderful prayer life, tremendous strength and a strong spirit, and last but not least, wisdom. But hmmm, I'm gonna try. So that's 4 things to pray about and to be most conscious of.

Pray for me :)

6/12/08 12:33 pm - The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

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6/9/08 12:30 am - ---

I think I found something really special.

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5/15/08 10:26 am - Heaven knows

We learned a new song at choir last week for anniversary in August, and during the week as I looked through the words of the song I realised how apt the song was, with reference to things happening in the world that seem so hard to comprehend. Tuesday's lessons were really hard-hitting and thought-provoking.

You are not a god created by human hands,
You are not a god dependent on any mortal man.
You are not a god in need of anything we can give,
By Your plan, that's just the way it is.

You are God alone.
from before time began,
You were on Your throne,
You were God alone.
And right now, in the good times and bad,
You are on Your throne,
You are God alone!

I think when something really bad happens it's hard to trace God's hand in the bad things. It's hard to say, 'this is in the will of God', and we'll never know how His will works out for us anyway. Pastor Mitch said the challenge is not to fully understand, but to accept. Let God be God. It's easy to say and proclaim that God is still in control over all things and is sovereign over everything, but they're merely words and nothing else.

Good time of grappling and thinking, and reaffirming what I believe about God in the first place.
Cyclones and earthquakes can happen, BUT GOD IS NOT EVIL, AND HE DOES NOT WILL PEOPLE TO PERISH.
And I really believe that with my whole heart.

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5/11/08 06:02 pm - thank God

GRATITUDE

Today I stood at my window and cursed the pouring rain,
Today a desperate farmer prayed for his field of grain
My weekend plans are ruined, it almost makes me cry
While the farmer lifts his arms and blesses the clouded sky.

The alarm went off on Monday and I cursed my work routine,
Next door a laid-ff mechanic feels the empty pockets of his jeans.
I can’t wait for my vacation, some time to take for me,
He doesn’t know tonight how he’ll feed his family.

I cursed my leaky roof and the grass to mow,
A homeless man downtown checks for change in the telephone.
I need a new car, mine is getting really old,
He huddles in a doorway, seeking shelter from the cold.

With blessings I’m surrounded, the rain, a job, a home,
Though my eyes are often blinded by the things I think I own.

~Anon~

How spoilt I have been, to forget what God has blessed me with and not look beyond myself.

Thank God for everything, and I still believe that He is sovereign over all things and in control of everything, even the situation in Myanmar now.

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5/8/08 10:39 am

I think it's really time to put prayer into practical action. Pray for Myanmar.

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5/3/08 06:18 pm - Strength and prayer

Sometimes amidst all the studying my mind wanders and I start to think about more carefree times like last year and how we had the liberty to run around and go to our favourite places and do fun things. (besides the 830-530 time which I had to strictly adhere to, unlike some people who can work whenever they wish haha) Those times are greatly missed, to say the least. I wish I could invent some machine that would help me capture those moments and not lose them forever but that's impossible so I shall just resort to dreaming and wishing. But I know the holidays are coming up soon!! My greatly anticipated 3 months break. I have no work to do. Maybe I haven't been actively looking for it, but ah I don't really want to work anyway.

Funny, I'm not superbly stressed by the exams (as you can tell because I'm here) but I'm a little more tired out than anything. I have to keep pushing myself to study and to remember that I'm even having exams. (what on earth right) Japanese Studies was a real nightmare on Wednesday, but I'm learning how to respond better in frustrating situations like that. Three more papers to go, and I'll be free... for a while. To spend some time with good friends, catch up with old friends.

The weather's been really sickening lately, I think the sun is like angry with earth or something.

Why do people get so angry easily? Does anger solve anything? In all honesty, I'm tremendously saddened. Please go for anger management classes or something. Take everything with a gentle and quiet spirit, and build some wall around myself so that they can't make me lose it, and last but not least, keep praying.

Current Mood:

indifferent

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4/25/08 11:55 am - Begin Again

Every day is a fresh beginning,
Every morn is the world made new;
You who are weary of sorrow and sinning,
Here is a beautiful hope for you-
A hope for me and a hope for you.

All the past things are past and over,
The tasks are done and the tears are shed;
Yesterday’s errors let yesterday cover;
Yesterday’s wounds, which smarted and bled,
Are healed with the healing which night has shed.

Yesterday now is a part of forever,
Bound up in a sheaf, which God holds tight;
With glad days and sad days and bad days which never
Shall visit us more with their bloom and their blight,
Their fullness of sunshine or sorrowful night.

Let them go, since we cannot relive them,
Cannot undo, and cannot atone.
God in His mercy, receive, forgive them;
Only the new days are our own
Today is ours, and today alone.

Here are the skies all burnished brightly,
Here is the spent earth all reborn,
Here are the tired limbs springing lightly
To face the sun and to share with the morn,
In the chrism of dew and the cool of dawn.

Everyday is a fresh beginning;
Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain,
And, spite of old sorrow and old sinning,
And puzzles forecasted and possible pain,
Take heart with the day, and begin again.

-Susan Coolidge-

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4/22/08 12:11 am - Power.

I've come to realise a number of things:

I'm not sure how to 'do without' because I'm not sure what to do without.
I really enjoy Pastor's classes on Saturday because somehow his lessons teach me how to lead a more powerful life (something I sought to do this year)- the idea of greatness in the sight of the Lord, having planned growth, learning how to be strong in spirit and in character.
Prayer is so important. It is the prelude to everything we ever need. Still trying to grasp the concept of the secret place and prayer at a deeper level, and how to pray for others beyond my own needs.
I came up with a list of things to do after the exams. (it makes me happy) And I can't wait to do at least half the things on the list! (being slightly more realistic)
I'm hoping that this period of exams will be a time of learning how to depend on Him in prayer once again.

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4/16/08 09:18 pm

Purple blog because I'm bored. (Boredom doesn't mean I have nothing to do)

Three more weeks!

3/19/08 08:05 pm - What a friend we have in Jesus.

I'm starting to get a glimpse of what University life is really about. You start to look beyond whatever you're studying, and at the same time try desperately to enjoy whatever you're studying. Well, at least for me.
I have to make it good, so give me reason, give me purpose.

Sometimes you know you're going to be alright when you take a step out of everything, take a while to breathe again, and keep reminding yourself of a reason far greater than any earthly thing, and that brings you another step further. It doesn't stop there, you keep falling, but each time you fall you cry, you get over it, you remember each small milestone that the Lord brought you through, and you know you can do it again. All this in the secret place, which has become a place very special to my heart. I wasn't extremely conscious of this concept before but now each time I go to Him in prayer I know I'm retreating into the secret place of prayer and restoration and I know He heals and gives perfect peace and strength which I really need.

In the secret places Lord,
I come to You,
drawn by my weariness and need.
Called by the memories of mercies past,
in the secret places of my heart.

It's a lonely journey, this road. But in those moments of feeling so alone, the Lord's presence can be felt so much more, and that surpasses anything and everything, any earthly company that we may have.

Current Mood:

okay

2/27/08 05:40 pm - What about now.

18 Now in the morning, as He returned to the city, He was hungry. 19 And seeing a fig tree by the road, He came to it and found nothing on it but leaves, and said to it, “Let no fruit grow on you ever again.” Immediately the fig tree withered away.

Matthew 21: 18-19

What fruits do I really have?

Two verses, and yet so much depth in them.

Been a while, a number of especially provoking thoughts ever since, I'm learning so much from reading the Parables. It's a delight to read the stories and draw the lessons intended from them, and see the mysteries of our faith enlightened in this manner.

Someone I really admire a lot said that our pain, our difficulties all have purpose and reason behind them. I know we always say this, but I really see this exemplified in this person's life and example, and in my heart I know this to be true, because of how he has proven himself to be who he is. It's amazing how the Lord works through people like him.

Easter's approaching, I'm reminded once again of the reason I live and how I should live, to bring everything back to the Lord and His love for me.

There's so much to see when we look above. Just don't look back.

Current Mood:

calm

2/12/08 12:37 am - Spirit take me up.

25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

This passage is just so uplifting. Worrying, despairing doesn't do any good for us. Thought this tied in really nicely with what Pastor Mitch has been teaching us about the pre-eminence of Christ in our lives. When we recognise Him as pre-eminent in our lives, all things will work for good. This is application! I still struggle with this idea sometimes, in my head I know it's something I ought to know and practise, but practically it's difficult. Sometimes my irritating self will subconsciously take control and I stray from my intended focus. It's a daily thing, this process.

P.S. Practise priorities, nothing less than Pre-eminence.

Current Mood:

content

2/7/08 12:50 am - Disappear

Happy Chinese New Year.

Tangerines are yummy and sweet and delicious!

Other than that, being sick with a sore throat and painful teeth really isn't my ideal way of spending Chinese New Year.

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2/4/08 11:14 pm - Deeper.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,

knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ."

Colossians 3:23-24

Sometimes it's so plain easy. Put life into perspective. What emerges as important, amongst everything we do? Pastor Mitch's sessions always remind me of the larger picture of life. Time isn't indefinite, we don't have all the time in the world, and yet we let them slip by unproductively so easily. This year I'm going to try to be more conscious of my time management and how I'm going to make my priorities count for something. I need drive to live, to do the things I do- I need that spiritual strength that only God can give when I put Him first in my heart.

Little glimpses of what the Lord means to me and who He is the past year,
so this year has to be different, prayer has to be deeper and I have to go beyond 2007 and everything that came along with it.
I want to discover so much more.

I have found a friend in Jesus,
He's everything to me,
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul;
The Lily of the Valley
in Him alone I see
All i need to cleanse and make me fully whole.

In sorrow He's my comfort,
in trouble He's my stay,
He tells me every care on Him to roll
He's the Lily of the Valley
the Bright and Morning Star,
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.